Sunday, September 28, 2008

a few things i need

sobriety
moar time
productivity
focused visions
a cell phone that works
web space that's cool with php+shtml

Thursday, September 25, 2008

end of september

it's been hectic - lots of projects and lots of interests
lots of unfocused visions and blurred dreams
though i must remind myself every morning
to be more kind and to smile more than yesterday
i'm too young to give up on any of them yet.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I don't care I'll burn out anyhow


"Incinerate" by Sonic Youth

Saturday, September 20, 2008

i can't lose something i've never had

therefore i am feelingless

Saturday, September 13, 2008

zen-like balance

don't be lame
don't be cool

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

i can't pinpoint

nothing changed and nothing's the same
people grew up and i am stuck behind
but i must pretend i am a developed animal
100 caplets of diphenhydramine hcl might help
2 steps forward would be kind
but i cant afford to take a step back anymore
30 weeks to drag myself despite no desire to finish
too many what-ifs and too many regrets
too little time left and too little will power
i cant go sleep and a little portion of myself died
im simply tired of myself and my life.
and i thought i would never think that.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

"sometimes in the fall" by phoenix

Sometimes in the fall, fall, fall, fall
There'll be nothing to keep you far from me
Before I am long long long gone
There'll be nothing to keep me away

And it goes on and on and on, it's everlasting
It's always the same when you're next to me
Sometimes in the fall, fall, fall, fall
There'll be nothing to keep me away

Friday, September 5, 2008

september 5th 2:54am

my head is exploding

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

new september and new semester

being back in *my* school somehow feels more surreal than being somewhere out there alone. is this really happening?

my life is adjusting to highly structured, seemingly productive student activities. however i can't quite decide if i am really being productive or being a slave.

despite various weather warnings, i've been lucky enough to feel the heat and the sun for many days.

good friends are good. good friends who have kept me in their minds are good. but then i am not sure if i am alienating them somehow.

nowadays i am always tired mentally, emotionally, and physically. all i want to do is to take a nap. wake up, myself.

Monday, September 1, 2008

august 10th morning, alone and together

Sound of rain drops wake my ears, and then my neuro cells. Trees, bushes, and a tent are creating a harmony that blurs inside and outside, this morning and last night, this reality and others. It's only me in this little tent. I remember seeing 7 kids or 4 friends or 3. But I'm still dreaming so I can't bother to go outside to check what is up. As if all my logics disappeared, all I can think is what I can feel. Basic senses and fundamental emotions, unfiltered.

The tent is happened to be without a rain cover that each corner is creating a puddle. I'm glad this sleeping bag is waterproof and I'm still warm and dry. So I don't bother geting up. Then I hear a few people moving around. They must be wakened by the open sky. To flee from getting soaked, four holigans enter the tent, with a water melon. Not only is a water melon a key ingredient in Viagra, a water melon is perfect for a little dizziness, thirsty throat, midle headache, and awkward stomach. We must have dived into this water melon for an hour.

It's raining harder outside and puddles are getting bigger but this water melon made all of us feel good. Then a few more moments, 10 minutes or 2 hours, are passed with silence and occasional laughters. This plain conversations, uncontrollable laughs, and past time at Falls Lake must be remembered and honored.