that bloody feeling on the way home.

copious chillness, quite noise, and sighful throat.
what is there, out there, that's waiting me?

what am i supposed to learn
what am i supposed to take
what am i supposed to let go
what am i supposed to do etall

gravity's putting me down.

what i want to bring back home is nothing but
feeling, that feeling, you know, people, everyone,
blown heart, aired brain, that atmosphere, and curiosity

how blue the sky was
how pink the sky was
how red the sky was

how big my heart got.

complete rubbish

life is the shit. and i mean it like teenagers.
not even close to total the life or the meaning of
but i know for sure life is the shit.

i hear stuffs, i smell things, and i feel rubbish
yes, i am hallucinating without a help of drug.
that's why life is the shit.

and it's all that, that dragging me. so sad and happy story
then i become masochistic
i just want to cut it off but i need some serious plan first.

life is the shit.
and i feel it like a teenager.
and i want to be a teenager for the first time..

two lessons and two failures

it's not the destination, it's the journey

especially when one's destination is nowhere to be found,
and one means to go north but that is about it.
yet still manages to go north about 50km each day,

also when one has so little money that,
at night, one wonders what the fuck one's doing in a cold
empty national park with a secondhanded sleeping bag

last but not least when one is stuck in a small caravan park
which is an hour away from any meaningful town that has a bus
so one's forced to look at stars and start drinking dry sherry

failing, learning, realizing, finding, and parting away

another day in a life

i woke up this monday, feeling down.
or probably usual monday with a few extra things in a mind.

so today i spent 14 dollar on a huge hiking backpack
and another 14 dollar on a secondhand sleeping bag
and got 3 dollar discount.

learning process

when i was little, i was a good kid.
especially i never had a thing that i wanted get.
i never cling to someone to clamor for candies, toys, or clothes.

most, if not all, of my drawers were from my brothers
we never had one single candy,
and we had snacks only when we had guests.

now, i am supposedly grown up.
and unfortunately i never learned how to give up and let it go.
how am i supposed to live this life when i actually never grew up.

my brain and my heart are all mixed and messed up. and sometimes i'm afraid that i will never get ohkay; i just don't want to open my eyes.

who ever knows how i feel.

indulgence

i love love tim tam tam !


ps : well i buy much cheaper rip-off house brand copycat though