in howick

i just have too many things in my head
and i am avoiding making any decision

superficial finding

this is an absolute privilege of myself and others in this town to be its transit part. unsurprisingly locals look at me with interesting eyes because of my appearance. however that is not a sign of unwelcoming. it's like being introduced to a new kind of an object; new household appliance, genetically modified organism, or oversea dining experience.

everyone smiles and everyone greets, sometimes after an awkward look. but we, foreigners, must admit a fear of some kind. but that is solely because of difference in appearance, not because of "real" danger. therefore danger would disappear not when a crime rate drops, but when we stop seeing a difference in colour. when we all become colorblind.

this skill comes from experiences, down-to-earth interactions with people who share land, water, and air with me. i would like to think that outsiders must make the first move. we have a means to turn those curious eyes into welcoming handshakes. we should be accepting, fully, in order to let them feel free to be accepting. furthermore i berieve this first move is the first step in eliminating racism, world hunger, and global health problem in our society.

mission southern afrika 06/06/08-25/06/08

current plan:
06/06-12/06 namibia
13/06-18/06 zimbabwe
19/06-25/06 howick

namibian youth group who generously welcomed me to sleep with them, drew me, shared everything, and gave me a lift to kirbib
sinbad who i met on the bus to windhoek who kindly made a mission with me all day throughout all different parts of windhoek
several namibians who willingly gave me a ride, morning, day, or night, regardless of a number of people they have in their cars
tiela who is taking care of me for a time being and being the best host ever
a whole bunch of 6th and 7th graders who never forget to smile as big as they can

why didn't i just get wasted today?

even in time of crisis, like finals
in time of devoted afternoon study session
i acquire no sense of emergency, thus
wasting far more hours - plain garbage

soon, what comes is evening, followed by late night
i didn't even notice, not because i was inside,
but because i focus too well on wasting time
now hunger and heavy eye lids are complaing

the final is in 2 days and i kick myself
but i know i will do the same tomorrow

sigh.

disastrous biotransformation

i was studying my ass off
while making a factitious facebook event
then suddenly i heard housemates calling my name
1 oclock at night, that must be a bad sign.

yes, it was. the ceiling was leaking and that
motherfucking hole was right above my bed
i fleed to the sunroom with a soaked blanket
then i lost any motivation to study whatsoever

that was okay, because my final was 10am
i thought i could easily wake up a few hours early
so i set an alarm on my phone and i passed out
what an idiot.

yes, an alarm didn't go off.
but who knew it was already so late.
and who knew i did not know where i need to be at
and who knew my computer just got infected

somehow i manage to be late only an half hour
it's needless to mention about the difficulty
it's needless to say that i did run out of time
yet i was quite stoked to be just done. done.

only soon i found out that my phone is dead forever
dammit, i was gonna give her a birthday present
rest in peace, cheap generic lg color(!!) phone
July 16, 2007 - May 30, 2008