bullet points to myself

a) live life light

b) may be serious but always carefree

c) wash away anxiety, depression, and worries

d) never hate anyone

e) love but never get too close

f) keep confidence underneath a mattress

g) never be cocky, even a slightest bit

h) keep good friends around, all the time

you are winners

i am a loser.
and i don't care a shit.

i am not particularly good at anything. i just live. barely.
and i love it

i love it this way. i lose big..
i'd rather lose happy then win ugly.

looking back for a minute, only for a minute.

there are things that i wish i did something different
you know.

just that one moment, i wish i didnt do that
a slight different choice would have made everything better
(maybe worse. but ... well)

because i was too bored, because i was too depressed
because i was too desperate, because i was too dumb

it is really small things. tiny little decisions.
well not exactly decisions; things that i just did
i shouldnt have messaged, i shouldnt have kissed,
i shouldnt have left early, i shouldnt have gone there.

i am just too young but too old.
i will never learn.

summer time

it's like a long, indeed, very long, weekend with best homies
or perhaps one continuing, months-long, loitering.
i mean, i am staying with tim after all - i got a bed in his apt.

weather we're watching that discovery channel
or doing absolutely nothing in downtown
or doing something a lil more noble,
STP are just like STD.

i cant get rid of and i love it -0-

law and gun

(at least in america) simply and unfortunately
there are some out of mind crazy losers.

and nowadays the law system and law enforcement have become
too scared to punish wrong. unless a victim was fatally wound or
lost his fortune, "doing justice" takes just too much money and time
and even if a victim is very patient and very rich, the result would be
more likely inappropriate (read, probably a warning or small fine)

you will not be punished at all even if you broke into someone's
house and physically do a harm to innocent people.
sadly because cops scare away victims from doing justice
sadly because the law system will require so much from victims

i used to be a huge gun control advocate,
now i can not wait until getting my own

i lost my feelings

it's like there is this thing called "feelings"
and just like i am so clumsy, i lost my feelings.
(and i am not talking about a mixed feeling i get when getting haircut)

i am very tired. but i am also relaxed.
i am really sad leaving my school. but i feel hyped and pumped.
i am glad it's finally over. actually it was beyond a description.
yet i am totally depressed because things and people will be never
like last two years. i am done. and in a way, noone cares.

it's like my life. i love it but i hate it.