blahblahblah

sleepsleepsleep i want.

recently, november 2009

i got a $15 free coupon for kodak, the night before its expiry. thus i dug up my old harddrives for my 2003-2007 memories and ordered 160 prints around 4:30am. now i received four packets, full of photos. what to do with them.

buying a used car, or any really expensive item, is a huge pain in many areas of my mentals and physiques. especially when i want to take some risk with a funky looking hushpuppy whose identity should not revealed in the public record.

i can't get enough of florida, thus heading st. petersburg in a month. there should have been lots of things to think through and consider. but at the end of another long insomnia, i just bought a us airways ticket, one way.

on other hand, my room is a complete mess. i have korg microkontrol and epiphone sg which i never touch. i am exhausted for no apparent reason, all the time (thus i drink an inhuman amount of coffee). i need to eat /way/ healthier, or purchase some vitamins. no joke.

last thing in a series of things someone else has told me today

"sometimes we need to learn to lower our expectations, accept situations as they are and make the most of them" - atanasova

from my brother in army

i don't know if this is going too well, even though im tweaking every direction to find happiness. although happiness is sitting right next to our shoulders, just like bluebirds of our generation, it is not trivial to truly enjoy it. just to come back, we must go on a journey. be happy.

"are you more at peace about things?"

my friend asked me just now.

im talking, once again, about my maturation process

i have this feeling of uncertainty, not about my career or finance,
about my relationship with family, friends, and strangers.

when that happens (whatever that means) gradually over years,
i will be thinking that im just having another déjà vu.

florida, always

a bag of sunshine, love, and happiness only comes at a price.
i knew always i knew it, but this time, i dont even if it's gonna stop.
this feeling just puts me down. this nostalgia renders me useless.
then i was thinking, maybe, i got a bad worm in my head.
did i not grow up properly? is it because of my lost childhood?
then i was thinking, maybe, i'm brainwashed, i'm a fool, i'm timid.
can't i just drop everything and everything now?
i only walk away from that bag of sunshine, love, and happiness.