team top five

i am quite afriad to put this nice feeling into words.
good harmony, heavenly nature, tired legs, abandoned hut, happy vibe, amazing foods, best roadtripping ever, and marshmallow burns

thanks friends.

nothing's real, only hyper-real

suddenly we are facing multiple life-changing choices
decisions have to come out shortly, yet not lightly
snorting a gram of cocaine or getting a job this summer

however at this point, i have nothing to choose from
only lengthy applications with lengthier essay questions
questions i can not grasp at all - something i am still trying

if i just sit here, no application would be filled up
i won't have to be kicking myself for being indecisive
if i were to do them, i'd be kicking myself for lying

essays that are so much cooler and better than myself

alain's, gandolf, d'n'b, the village, and seder on 420.

yan, alain, lang, tor, gabby, alex, iyla, tyron, kim, and joos.

[April 17th ~ 20th]

understanding, connecting, and loving.

i consider myself lucky for being able to
appreciate and love people - either friends or strangers.
if anything, i am glad i've become aware of
tiny personal things that make individuals highly lovely.

and "that is" completely independent of my air time.
let's go on an adventure.

one step behind

i am more of a slow reactor and less of a sprinter
it takes time, many nights and days, to understand
but by the time i understand, im one step behind

so confused, yes, i need time to disgest how it is

retreated and coiled up in my friend's futon for days
my apathetic emotion catches up the empty environment
my physical catches up the still apathetic emotion

and by the time everything is in sync, i ask myself
is this it? did i want this? what is this? who? how?
yah.

are you going out tonight?

"Strange feelings from the orange sunlight on this sandy dry country so far from home.

[...] just a sort of unexplained sadness that comes each afternoon when the new day is gone forever and there's nothing ahead but increasing darkness.

[...] people who've been there all day long, going about the business of the day, who now find nothing unusual or different in this strange darkening landscape

[...] now a heavy feeling of isolation and loneliness becomes dominant and my spirits wane with the sun"

- pirsig

track 18 you just need to understand

a mental block comes out of nowhere and notime.
right when you were the least aware of its existence.
right on a local maximum when everyone seems to be happy
it just hit me and left me all confused

i just want to be completely honest but
we are all grown to be less than fully honest
so we are not used to that - different species
can we be all friends, like best friends?

feeling chilly and nose-runny, it's just a static fact,
fully mechanical and physical affected by variables.
nothing humane about it. nor are about us.
boundary conditions, itself, keep us all too far separated.