stuckness, coma, depression

i hate this feeling.

on the road

arid landscape of nothingness spans without knowing a boundary. it does eventually hit an unimaginative line of mountains and mountains but that is so far away - i am not sure if that's just on the east coast of south africa. only green living creature is a little short circular lonely bush which hates and separates from others. this vastness, dry air, and steaming sun open me up while depress me down.

fortunately and mysteriously hours of driving did not wear me down. maybe because we did not have fixed destinations. perhaps here and there, on the road, were our destinations. yet it does not mean i was not stoked about where i stayed. every night refreshingly cold, in fact way too freezing, atlantic ocean brought blue breezes that cleaned up my head and heart.

being only human beings in 30km beach or being in a town without any commercial diners - there is a value, great one. things to learn, understand, respect, and appreciate. then also there were many kind strangers. people on the road who guided us through the journey or people on the coast who generously shared their day with - warmth i am not allowed to forget.

and gypsy

1. it sucks that when someone can just get into certain countries without visa while i need lengthy and stupid stuffs
2. gypsy is my favorite nationality
3. i put my eyes on uganda, at least for now
4. to me, durham is a parallel universe. so are south korea, florida, and sydney
5. i want that box from futurama which i can jump into to jump out into a different universe
6. everyone's getting old. by old, i mean 21 which was once unimaginatively old.
7. we always need to look a little deeper and a little longer especially when we are looking at people, real ones

instead of studying, i was looking at flights

and that simple task of booking a flight back home
brought up so many questions that i almost hate me

from thinking of my florida friends, carolina friends,
and even good old time on 4th of July and my friend's baby
to considering a place to stay, things to do over summer,
and even contemplating my life, university, and purpose

so at the end, i didnt get to study, nor did i book a flight
and im pretty sure in less than 50 hours, i will be paniking
about school works and a price of ticket will go up by 17.23%

what would jesus do with the easter's break?

suddenly i saw a pile of school works sitting
on my desk, in my computer, inside my backpack
and i screamed silently... h..

decompressed

it started with getting up very late from wtf party. well yan woke up me earlier to peace out. while being awaken in the morning isnt pleasant, again that is all in my head. if im in a good mood and person waking me up is a good person, i am still happy.. after a bowl of cereals and some more time laying around here and there, i and maxine finally broke the motionless saturday afternoon and started our path.

in obs, we stopped by at devun and helen to chill out which lasted longer than i expected. but in meanwhile, we also got junk foods, vegi burger, vodka, and coke. we took a train around 5 to salt river, then to pinelands. not only that we didn't pay, the eco village was right next to the train station.

it was such a great afternoon with a great vibe. i knew everything makes and gonna make me happy. sky, beautiful village, tons of happy locals, wooden sculptures, random chikens, cows, and horses, mental hospital, broken down houses, and good smell. supposedly planned for 3pm, then 6pm, but when we got there at 6, we heard it's gonna kick off around 9pm. that was alright, we were not in hurry. we draw stuffs on the boards, sat down and talked about oneness, and met happy people

then the afrika burns decompression session started with a loud music. it's hard to describe. i guess it was electro-jazzy-hippie-drumnbass kinda music. i am not sure if they were playing all of them at the same time, or one by one. it just came all together onto my ears.

by the time, it gets happier and happier, more people came and more crazy people came and more kids i know came. so it gets happier and happier. by the time, some kids start falling asleep, they started the fire with fire jugglers. the afrikan burning man with multiple heads and legs but a single pair of arms

it burnt down slowly but surely. then a long time was spent listening to drummers and staring at fires that was gonna leave all of us alone.