just the essence and the nothing else

one last week of march

so one good & bad choice on the saturday night changed my body so much that i feel like my body is leaving my soul behind.

yet because my body needs to take two exams this week, i take drugs after drugs. thus i dont feel like my body because it's numb and sleepy. nothing like my own.

my left eye is irritating me so much that i want to poke my eye out.

despite all these, im not that stressed out. which is another reason to be worried.

hit and fix: thinking about an interface

what do you do when your television starts going out of its breath. my grandmom and mom used to hit its side, then its top, several times. and their experiences tell that this method works!

of course i dont know about nowadays when the digital television has taken over the US standard. also i dont know how people try to fix anything when tv series are "tivoed" and downloaded. so not-so-surprisingly noone attempts to fix any electronics by smashing it. there is no "real-time" signal coming into your idiot box and no urgency to watch it now now NOW. also we are way too educated to know otherwise.

but i still believe whatever my mom did work the best. while a result of hitting is random, it has a high probability of fixing the object. the interface is not between an object and my mom's hand, but lies within my mom's heart which prays for a renewed life of black and white tv. a weird concept, but it bleeds old and cozy yet fresh scent of secondhanded technology.

broken in all right places

then there were

75 degree afternoon, sunshine, garden, wine, friends, you, music, waiting, homemade dinner, brownie, beer, backyard, front porch, patience, surprise, intimacy, goodbye

on an ordinary day

just another dip, like an inward leakage current
i realized im thoroughly exhausted in my life

of course there seem a few things going forward
but fundamentally, i say. fundamentals and principles

our avoidance of deeply thoughtful moments
to keep ourselves sane and merely not-unhappy

and so on. the same old story.
im tired. like my cardiac cells are in transit