conflict of interest

and i got up at a wee hour with a bad stomach.
i knew i shouldn't have drank that last cup of beer.
or maybe i'm just overwhelmed by the first day.

i thought we would never grow up. grow up inside.
like our mentality, dream, and love of friends.
everything was so perfect. imperfectly perfect.

but i regret i did not recognize that at that time.
steve would come to pick me up everyday after school.
tim would be always up to a sweet and bizarre plan.

kite on a windy sky, and
last summer and the summer before.
three years ago and then five years back.

i remember and i miss you. i want to be happy.
i want you to be happy and to be in love with your life.
life is chasing me but i just want to take a slow walk.

it's five am and my stomach is better.
8:30 class starts worrying me.
i am not up for this yet. last, one last year.

i think no more.

in a mid-2008 small conversation about how rich is rich enough for me

i want to have enough money so that i can enjoy myself
without worrying about money, time to time
but clearly i do not think i need to have enough money
that i dont need to push myself to sustain my life style

i dont need to have so much money that i can eat out
every time my friends ask me to do so
but i want to have money that i can go out and eat
on special occasions for my friends and family

i dont care about drinking out at bars and clubs
while i would be keen to do so, it's not worthy
then i would very like to have enough money that i can
throw in a fair chunk of money for booze at a party

i want to be able to be generous at a right time
not necessarily all the time
i would like to be able to offer a beer to a good friend
however i dont want to have a case in the fridge everyday

never too much because i dont want to be degraded
just a little bit less than enough so i am constantly
reminded of what a wonderful world i am living in
i must be keep working for my foods and good sleeps

seven thirty in the morning

i abandoned a big fish for many small creatures that might not be qualified as fish. even if i will have an empty fridge next week, id rather sit on the riverside, stare at the blue sky, and take easy catches. slowly waking up to the rising sun and surely entertaining myself. my friend, don't be afraid of being insignificant, unimportant, and mundane. seven thirty in the mundane friday morning, im mumbling insignificantly on an unimportant topic. and that's exactly the kind of person i am. i was never born to snatch a big fish.