life's a dream, and jersey aint that bad.

on being a fragile being

i had this crazy headache over the weekend. perhaps the craziest. when i was in a high school theatre group, i'd get this migraine. probably because the auditorium would be always cold, filed with smell of fresh paint. probably because i would stay there until ten or eleven everyday under bright lights, and echoed voices. i would not really mind that though -- after all i was restless and well dazed. i was a sick little kid when i was even younger. i blame, but i promise you i didnt tell anybody, that my older brothers took away all the good genes. i remember this one particular saturday in ninety six when three of us were cooking kimchi ramen. my parents had to work nonstop, beyond my imagination. and my nose started to bleed and i ended up using a whole roll of toilet paper. it never stopped, i dont remember.

i left for awhile, to read a pro-abortionist take on planned parenthood chaos, and i dont know if it's my sleeping aid or what, but deja vu struck hard.

i feel like a dog lately, and seriously today at one point, i feel better than i've ever been in a long while.

-active ingredients: mother melatonin, gentle ibuprofen, rainbow dextromethorphan, buddy codeine, omnipotent nyquil, and 301 tumtums
-basic needs: 3 litter of poland spring water, several bottles of various sports drinks, endless hot and cold tea, two cans of salty soup
-end results: two days, and counting, in near-complete isolation.

unlike old days, a lot of things piss me off nowadays.

nowdays, especially money your parents bequeathed, it's easy to be cool, easy to be crazy, easy to be artsy, easy to be liked, easy to be awesome

but

impossible to know if you have real friends. i don't.

dont be any better or worse.

Antelope [...] refers to a ‘miscellaneous’ group within the family encompassing the old-world species [...]

this semester sucks already

i really want to care more, so i try. about anything from politics to school to people. then you know, it's not my element. wait did you say i shall be as i am? i fail to be neither me nor a caring person. actually i care. which reminds me of a story that a dude was telling me at a dinner tonight -- second order vanity.

although it may be completely irrelevant, i fib. i like that word. and it reminds me of a friend from the past. it's a form of art, i promise you. you just have to see me through fibs. actually ... don't.

stop the fucking show

1999; the first album, if not the first tangible thing, ive ever bought with my money.

i know i have actually gone mad, when one of my craziest friends wrote me,

"you're fucking crazy."

been here forever

i saw it and i thought;

ah,
this is it
- being here
and being there.
the bus never waits.
growing up that is.
pleasantly chilly,
slightly outta,
a bit jaded.
are you...
here?
bai

why is everything so locked up?

Lake is empty, lake is full
People say it's a push and pull
I know I did the wrong mistake again.