recap 2006

it started really high and went up from there.
once the max was hit, it had only dropped from there .
when a winter break came in, it's like a heaviside func from there.

i am excited about the Wailers,
i am disappointed about 2007.

B&W, sephia, flickers, winter

i am tired. very much.
i am still up. it's almost 6 AM.
i am tired. subtly strongly.
i don't want to go sleep.
i want to go for a walk.

shit. fcuk. life. winter.

teen age riot

it happened too quickly
it passed by too fast

i didnt celebrate, i didnt want to celebrate
i mourn for myself .

3 am, cold air

back in the days when i was working on my first film,
i always came home real late. 3am and cold air.
it has became one of the best memories of my childhood.
not shooting, not editing, not screening, it's '3 am, cold air'
i captured that and don't want to lose that.

now. at its surface, i am doing the exactly same thing.
i am working on my film. often come home this hour.
it's cold. it's dark. it's 3 am. but it lacks something.
it differs from '3 am, cold air' that i captured back in the days.

perhaps i grew too fast too much.

Rushing

Elistism and higher education have pushed us to 'focus' on short term achievenments.

During high school; good grades (not necessary learning well), meaningless community service hours, boring honors society, unpaid internships and whatnot
I thought a true high education, college, would be different.
NOT really. semester-to-semester and midterm-to-midterm; trying to earn that extra 1 point back on last quiz, doing a summer research that don't mean anything, founding a club to pad a resume, working at a lab but actually doing all the dumb-down stuffs.

... yeah. that makes me sad and feel bad for my generation

i am too immature and too old.

memory suddenly jump onto my brain.
vicious yet swfit, empty but enough

nose is smelling the air, a long ago that time.
amr is shivering, a long ago cold night

eyes are closing
memory swap from one ear to another
eyes are sucked into the flaw of memory

i want to be free and memory won't let me.
it is loving, daunting, overwhelming, and belittling me.

memory is dark; eyes in dark; flowing around
i want to bark. i dont know what else to do.