ive been thinking about this and that

yes. ive been thinking about this and that, and now is probably not the best time to dump my brain. but then it is a usual case that when i have a shitload of works to do, i turn to other unnecessary activities. wasting time and getting old. unnecessary thoughts.

i haven't really been able to unify my ideology. and rightly so, i do not think that's high on my list. the same goes with how i feel about my current status, your shoes, or that bacteria living off arsenic. particularly i do not know what i think of my age. deep down, i actually think im not that old. i mean last night i was searching craigslist to find a flat in brooklyn. many new chapters to go.

then more than often, i face craziness that is youth, in others. by youth, i mean taste that i could not understand. my parents never understood why i listened to crying nut or nirvana at six am. and i do not mean bad taste - just vastly different. and by others, i mean people that i aint cool enough to be friends with. so in a way, perhaps i judge who they /seem/ to be. then they will, most likely, be considered normal. i used to think there is never a clear cut.

nowadays a lot of things make me dizzy, in a ready-to-vomit manner. responses to wikileaks or america without dream. but i am no saint; all i want is a piece of cake that is called sanity. actually all i want is my 1997 back. or i can compromise and go with 2007. i do feel old nowadays. old indeed, not because of a number attached to me. perhaps i dont see how youth could be so obsessed with maturity and superficiality. i am just restless. jaded and dazed. i put my headphones and try to cut off my thoughts.

yes. i just dont get it. why is it so hard to speak up and live by an inner soul. isn't this bubble collapsing on us. i just want to spend this moment /right/. something dumb something spontaneous something simple.