chasing the dragon

i watch train tracks closely, because there are lines i have never taken before and i wonder where they'd go. well actually on some level, i know where they go, like the river line, since i saw them on a map. but really, i dont. so i stare out of my train, that gigantic window, following other tracks. sooner than later, they rapidly disappear, or my eyes just cant keep up.

perhaps everyone is troubled with authenticity. i may be dared to say i'd be angry if everyone isnt. or i may be simply confused or awed or jealous. at this time of my life, "it" is a road that i have not taken and that seems much more real. less i own more freedom i have. but i may be conditioned to never throw it all away.

i haven't taken an intercity bus for awhile, til this weekend. i re-discovered it comes with a certain feeling that is rather special to bus. mild motion sickness, low frequency mechanical noise, tails of light in tunnels, half-asleep half-in-this-reality. we are troubled we are real we are privileged we are nowhere to be found.