one step behind

i am more of a slow reactor and less of a sprinter
it takes time, many nights and days, to understand
but by the time i understand, im one step behind

so confused, yes, i need time to disgest how it is

retreated and coiled up in my friend's futon for days
my apathetic emotion catches up the empty environment
my physical catches up the still apathetic emotion

and by the time everything is in sync, i ask myself
is this it? did i want this? what is this? who? how?
yah.