gone, yesterday

i can't help but feel chilled here in the south,
feel isolated surrounded by a big family tree.

i guess i've been disappointing a lot of people
but at the same time, i've been so disappointed
by beloved people that i can't hardly stand.

it is a little too late to realize but i realized that
i've lied to everyone and myself for a little too long.
and when the truth came out of my mouth, noone is with me.
i am an painfully plain college student with a silly dream.

so i just feel hopeless. it has nothing to do with who i am.
it's everyone who thinks like me. i become a part of a trend.
there is no place for my wants, dreams, happiness, and identity.

i learnt that we do what we are truly passionate about.
and we are told to never give up. we embrassed an idea that
now is better than never. never consider of money and fame.
because, because, my dad told me that if i follow my dream
other things will follow. and i should never consider materials.

but that was over 13 years ago. what a silly me.
of course, that's far from reality. i can not give up
something if i've never even tried. and im not supposed
to try, because it's a russian rullet, fully loaded.

sugar coated words are flowing around and i can't see
what's true and what's not. i can't tell who's for what.
what's really important and what's insignificant?
everything makes a perfect sense in my head but who cares.
at the same time, everyone else is much wiser than me.

i once had a sweet dream. pure one.
and everyone's trying to kill it.