i find something to be down about.

after a clean up of my laptop, i have dumped old mp3s from my external hard drive. now, i am enjoying rediscovering my old favorite songs that i have not listened in ages.

in fact, actually, they were not even my favorite songs. they are just songs that i used to listen or happened to listen a lot. sad, funny, and fortunate enough, each of those songs brings a little piece of my memory.

slices of memory are too sharp for me though.
i want to forget but i can't. i don't want to forget but it's stepping on me. how would i get free from my memory and my past?

if it brings that refreshing air of innocent childhood, i feel bad for becoming so corrupted now.
if it brings that little flowery smell of electricity, i feel that i exhausted love already.
if it brings that awesome energy of craziness, i feel like an useless uncreative being.
if it brings that faces of my old pals, i feel so disconnected from everyone who loved me.
if it brings that feeling of my grandma's hug, i feel, i wish i have done better and better.

if it brings that face, that smell, that feeling, i feel down.